I don't want to talk about love, because I don't know what is it ? But now I have to writting some thing about you.In fact I don't know if I believe you when we were fresh man until now.We should as what's kind of lover?You always told me ,you love me so much and asked me for fall in love with you again.You told me that you break the relationship with the soldier.You said that you loved him ,because you found more same styles as me.But the day before yesterday,I'm so sad when I send you back hoom.He was rund up 3 times.Although you were ungry for the call,but I could felt you just ungry for the time(because I'm at here,you were in my hug)Really you didn't break it.

You don't know that how sad I was felling.I was be cheat more and more ```times.

I couldn't believe you forever.

And please don't send message or call me.

You don't belong to me.

As this, I can hope you are happiness.

See you!

Many things have happened during this time.The so bad thing was Grandmother in seriously ill.She is lay on the bed almost 10 months.She couldon't got anything,even sometimes forget us....

Just look at me when I saw her.She kind eyes told me that you mus hard study for a good life in the future.You must going out one day...

I love you my kind grandmother. I pray to God for your healthy.I believe that you can as usual when I bacj hometown at the summer vacation.

At the new term,My Dada accepted me to rent a room for live out of dormitory.I can get enough spaces for study.But just begin ,I felt so lonely.All neighbours are lover.Only me alone.I think I can accustomed to the new enviroment.I tell myself that I'm different than others at here.I have a big dream in my limited life .

So hard study is my first important thing.I shouldn't think any more about other things.

Tomorrow is 3.3````

What is beauty?I think different persons have different measures of beauty.

 Before I thougt that harmony is my question. But now I know that I were wrong.Take a easy example ,as we all know 0.618.... is golden  section ,it isn't 0.5. One day God will how to judge us when we dead ?Clearly, we had done something right , something wrong.If the right equal the wrong, God should how to  judge us? We should go to paradise or hell, there aren't third world prepare for you.Harmony mean's balance .Confucianism's harmonious is significant element in civilized society.But until now no body achieved the goal that human being with environment with society with ....

So even we have achieving the goal , it isn't a good picture. We should  transcend  harmonious, transcend 0.5  transcend ....

 

I'm so lucky. I am still alive tonight .But now I hard to speak.I've got a seriously
sore throat.Doctor told me my troat was burn by alcohol and all troat is filled with
blood.
Last night is Christmasday,We weren't celebrated for the day.Only We wanted to drink a little
alcohol to against te cold and damp weather(The city is hard see sunshine in winter ,everyday is covered
with fog.)Fana asjed 500ML alcohol what is 52 degrees iust for fun.I never drinked so many
and highest degree as this time.Fana was good drinking than me every time.But I don't know
why he was quickly intoxicated,only a little cup of it led to him forgot what were we done and
speaked loudly and a tippler.In fact I never saw him like this and told me he never drunk in campus until now.Maybe
he felt a little flaw.
The moment I'm just ok. LOL I should help Fana to achieved his aim what drunk in campus.I thought that  500ML wasn't enough
tp Fana's goal.I ask'd 200ML again.Finally even he couldn't walked back .lol I had done it! But My body as a lose balance's
scale when I took him backed dorm.
At the same time ,I continususly vomited. Thanks Liu and Zhang for cleared ````it.
And I won't drink any more aclohol.Cola is great!

我知道也就我自己能看懂。
今天突然很有感觉写点
我就是一个应该被打击的人
越来越承认自己没受过什么伤
我的确是生活在花丛中的草。

晚上在外语角遇到个高一的小朋友
其实我也不是很大年纪
但到了大三在去那真的感觉比那些小朋友老了很多
今天的那个小妹妹
真的是让我佩服了
我高一的时候是什么样子？？？？？
忘记了？

糟糕`````
简直是不堪回首`````

她想考PeiKing University ````
我都不知道说什么好````
年轻就是本钱
也许将来都会受很多的伤
但是至少这样的时光是很美好的
可爱
天真
敢想
敢做

前段时间朋友说我越来没自信了
的确我是没有了
是受多了打击
也越发意识到自己真的是很差

当然我也能发觉自己是有优势
但是优势却又很容易成为一个炫耀的东西
如何把握这样的一个度
什么样的程度？
才是合适的？
我一直都在寻找`````
也就是个时间问题
从大一到现在也算是有很多的改善
该干的和不该干的都做了
所以也认为自己很卑劣
在也不可能怎么纯真
不要在给自己找借口。

我还敢想吗？`````
哎````
同济啊~~~~~~
我会找到更多的自信`````
一定能````

Recently! I have readed some informations of Xu Beihong. I don't know why I was deeply  attracted by his life. Maybe ,Because my  family background a litter as him. But I'm lucky than him. At least , Contemporary Chinese society is better than 20th Century.He can hard study in the particularly complex enviroment. Even he could became a Morden art master or leader of Chinese . I have to admire him.

Now I needn't worried my next meal and where I can stay. Only Study!But in fact , maybe the situation is so great, more body forget to do something ,of course include me.

I always disguised the fact what I'm so bad. But I have a dream that one day I can as Xu Beihong went to Italy,France , and so forth in the world.

I always told myself that I must I must must ````but I haven't hold on. For example, I could get up so early when i haven't passed CET-3. now I cann't .even I never have listened my alarm at morning.

Yesterday , My friend send messaged to me for told me that she friend had looked me at study classroom where is for students prepare to master examinations.

Yes! They are so hard study.

I'm stay the room occasionally !!!!

Ok

I hope I can listen my alarm ````

GO ON .

I hope I can ````go abroad during the 4 years.

Tonight Englsih department of my callege hold the first time English Salon in the term. I met my friend who is English department student. I must say thanks for her help to open my mouth speaking when I was sophomore , of course include her understood my hard situation.I'm very shy about my lie.
I don't why I can't find the feeling in English Salon at past term. Every thing be changed. Me too. I think that maybe I'm so old than more students at here. Thay call me "old brother".
Thay so lively than me. I remember that I was like this in my memory. I have  bravery face more difficult thing , But this time , I'm afraid ````failure````.Why ?
Why?
Where is my courage? Who kill it ?

 

Ya.The day of the fairy who is Change.She will meeting het lover at tonight.A annual  tonight of her.I'm lucky .Not as usual .Tonight moon break the mist .I can see you ````Sit at the window of library.Seldom students at here. Everybody celebrating out of the cold building.You can listen the happy songs and cheers via the pure atmosphere.

My friends go to dinner with them girlfriends. Beyond Pangzi stay at dormitory online.

Until this time ,I haven't eat a moon cake.

I like it so much ,at least in my childhood memory.Specially! Appreciate the moon of tonight with my family and of course include my cat and dog````

Memory is memory 1

Maybe I can't find the feeling forever.

I hope nobady as me ,tonight.

Ok forget it. Tomorrow I have a interview of a photo store foe dealing with photograph use PS. I belief that Cod help those who help themself````

 

十年生死两茫茫

不思量

自难忘

千里孤坟

无处话凄凉

纵使相逢应不识

尘满面

鬓如霜

夜来幽梦忽还乡

小轩窗

正梳妆

相顾无言

惟有泪千行

料得年年断肠处

明月夜

短松岗

                                                             

"Wan Tian were you done the assignments at the afternoon,  only ?"

"-Y-e-s! I have thought it but I don't know how to do it use CorelDraw"(Find the excuse for me)

"You are too failure" Mr. Luo

 

Thanks so much about your criticsm, Yes, I'm so failure.I can't forget the criticsim.

Wan Tian ,

You don't know anything and haven't anything.

Even you are always show off . I feel that you are so sick.

What's could be flaunt of you?

Do you know more classmates or friends or stranger how to treat you?

You are a incapable stndent.

You don't know the evil socity.

You haven't to suffer losses.

Dream is beautiful . But isn't easy thing if you want to complete it.

Sorry I don't want to become a failure of the socity.

Even I am a unworthy person for sympathy.

 

 

Please Keep silence !

Tear and Blood

Let me Change Change Change Change!

Three days ago .

The city have happend earthquake.

So we are lucky.

It isn't a big  earthquake.

I felt my room had been quake.

Continued 3 seconds....

 

I would write something about this term.

Maybe because every term I have write some about that what to do in this term.

About Study , Feeling and if I have changed something and so on.

 

Of course!

I'm a student , so the first , I need talk about study.

Study include both major and English.
I don't know what I study concern art.

I had try to hard study it. But I haven't find I get what?

Yes my basic too bad.

Even my Aesthetic standard is a serious plobrem.

A art student don't know what is nice what is bad.

Maybe there are more experience in it.

I havn't read more and see more .

How to promote the level?

I cann't ask and  accuse anybody.

It's my fault.

Waste 50 percent time .

In fact I have one year to study,only .

If I go on like this , I will die````as suicide.

I know what I must do .

 

About English

Exact, I don't want to discuss it.

Due to English is a language, more person can operate it very well than me.

Another hand , I study it too hard , but get it seldom.

So I don't want refer it````

But I like it so much.

Special It relate to my dream.

 

About feeling.

I don't know I would how to describe it.

Whether I have feeling?

Maybe I lost it when I finished the last love.

Once I was belief feeling is wonderful .

But now I don't know what is love?

Love is truly.

It's too hard to imagine it.

Is it real I cann't find my love forever?

At least I'm a kindhearted person.

Where is my love?

 

I'm not good guy.

I have do more bad things.

Even I like cheat .

Of course It's joke sometimes.

But I real chane something about my character .

There are both good and bad.

I'm adult man.

I need know that keep what and cancel what.

 

I call the diary is <new "spring">

It's  not mean's I love spring.

But I like the new .

Spring is new .

New begin 

New way

New life.

Everything is new.

Of course we need new heart.

 

 

Thanks Da Jiang and Mei lan for teach me how to pray .

And Let me know that Jesus would forgive us mistake when we ask his.

I believe that Saviour is benevolent feeling towards all persons in the world.

Whatever I will transform my mistake.

 

The couple of Australian are very kind for me.

Mei Lan have bought some gouaches for  prepare let me teach her how to drawing .

Of coure ,

It's my honour.

 

Will Finishe the term .

Time too  fast.

It isn't wait everone.

The summer vacation , I wouldn't come back hometown.

This is the first time leave my mum such long time.

I know that my family miss me.

Me too.

I hope you are so happiness and healthiness.

I will go on study .

I will change the not good situation.

Why me like this ,now?

Even myself can't belief me like this.

I'm wrong.

I'm wrong.

I'm wrong.

I'm wrong.

God please forgive me.

I promise that I wouldn't do it forever.

GOD

At least I realized my mistake.

Sorry

I will change ```````````````````````````````````````````

I haven't write blog ,long time.
But today , I have to write something why my teacher say me that my drawing basic too bad. Once , I always found some causes for me. Due to , I'm young one or two years than my friends. I told me that after one or years ,I can drawing it very well.,I would like this . But The true told me what I'm wrong.
I have to accept the fact .
My basic too bad.
I cann't finding causes for me .
Today my Clothing design teacher say my drawing of Models bad than her son's painting when he 6-years old ```````````````````````````````````````
My god !
I would how to face it.
Before , I always felt my painting not too bad.
Even It's good than more classmates.
WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG````
Who could give me some effective way to study of drawing and English.
I'm too bad.`````
```````````````````````````````````I will changing the fact``````````````````````````````````````````

Yesterday .
My teacher suggested that me would reading some book about art of Mr. Wang who is famous artist in nowadays China and America.
In fact,
Last year,
I had read <World Architecture Design ＆ History> of his.
He had writed more books .
He let me know what art is scientific knowledge.
So I couldn't really understood his book when I first read it. (Science is too difficult to absorb````)
But I found <Nordic White Night - A Tour of Scandinavian Design> in library ,today.
The book very delicate.
I find a new power of art when I hold it in my hand.
`````Europe is my dream.
Behind is my excerpt from the book.
Nordic Impression
“对于北欧，我就是这样不断地接触。虽然不懂他们的文字，但是总是喜欢那种感觉，那种我们中国人最缺乏的感觉：人烟稀少，渺远，空灵，神话一样的静盈，毫无浮躁，千百年的文化漫漫地沉淀起来，基本没有什么断裂，革命，骚动，就那样积淀起来，好像万年的冰河，千年的文化慢慢地积淀。看他们的设计，听他们的音乐，完全好像是天外的事物一样，越是忙乱，越是弥是珍贵。我喜欢北欧的东西，不仅仅是表面的，而更多是精神上的一种完全另类的调节”。
Sorry !
Because , I haven't time to translate it. So in Chinese.
Thanks Mr. Wang what he let more art sthdents find a scientific way of art and promoting our art  emotion etc. 
  

The world too unfair .
Why me say that?
We haven't to accept that money can purchase everything.
Once , I belief I can via my effort to achieving my dream.
But now .
I have to change the mind .
Money change it.
Specially the country.
Hypocritical relationship.
We can't belief anybody.
No person would help you````
Oh I forget a old saying that we haven't really friends, only had profit in common.

Thanks Mum's suggestion.
I love you my Mun.